Sometimes labels can be helpful, however,but they can also take something as common as imposter syndrome and make it sound like something is wrong with us. I believe this to be true about the times in our careers where we feel like any day now, someone is going to find us out and realise that we definitely aren’t qualified or competent enough to do our job.
In a world of AI, I’m going to dispense with giving a textbook blog on what is commonly known as imposter syndrome (I prefer the term imposter phenomenon because the term ‘syndrome’ turns a temporary, contextual experience into sounding like a medical diagnosis) and instead give you my thoughts, based on working with hundreds of coachees and workshop delegates. I should add that it is one opinion which is shaped by my own context and experience but I hope you will find it helpful, one human to another.
It is really normal to question if you are good enough
It is incredibly human to doubt yourself, it’s part of our internal mechanism for keeping ourselves safe. If you asked your friends to list some of the worst things they say to themselves, I’d place a bet that most of them would come down to “I’m not enough”. You are not broken if this is you. It isn’t fun but it’s very natural for humans to walk around feeling this. This doesn’t mean we have to live this way; it just means that we can let go of the feeling that we have to erase these thoughts in order to be ok.
It can happen at any stage of your career, but I’ve noticed it often popping up in transition periods, particularly where there are identity shifts, or something changes in your sense of control and certainty. If you have niggles about whether you measure up, I highly recommend asking yourself about what has changed around you.
You can expect it and prepare for it
We humans really know how to make life hard for ourselves, it’s not intentional but we just seem to expect so much from ourselves. Take the example of stating a new job or a promotion. We walk in on day one and if, by the end of the week, we aren’t totally on top of everything and able to answer every question we are asked then we start to doubt whether we can actually do the job. I often get coachees coming to me at this point because they feel as if there is something wrong with them.
Instead of ignoring or fighting against the discomfort we feel, I’d love it if more of us anticipated this doubt as a sign that we care about doing a good job and spent some time reflecting on what we did well that first week, the areas for development we noticed and what our plans are for meeting that development need are.
When I’m working with clients preparing for a new role, I support them to anticipate this discomfort and put in place time for reflection and to write the questions they will ask themselves to support them to navigate this period. I also remind them that if they walked into a new job already knowing it inside-out then they would already be ready for their next role…
Work out what is really important
Having your mind questioning you all the time, being thrown by perceived critical feedback by others, replaying mistakes in your mind and trying to control everything so that you stay safe from feeling like a failure is exhausting (other symptoms of the artist formally known as ‘Imposter Syndrome’ are available). It also distracts you from the things that really matter to you.
Time and energy are precious commodities. I highly recommend working out what is really important to you (I have a values worksheet you can download on my website) and remind yourself of the discomfort you are willing to choose in order to move towards the things that matter to you.
If learning or growth really matters to you than I have some not-so-great news. You will probably end up looking for stretch opportunities, which will result in you feeling like you don’t know as much as you think you ‘should’ straight away. If you want to keep learning and growing, becoming comfortable with the discomfort of not knowing something yet will help you enjoy life so much more.
Practice self-compassion
Self-compassion has been misunderstood over the years, perceived as something ‘pink and fluffy’ or about bubble baths (is it me or can you smell a whiff of the patriarchy…). I love to share the definition of compassion from Paul Gilbert, who talks about compassion being an acknowledgement of suffering, and the motivation to take appropriate action, grounded in wisdom and courage. Looking at how to be self-compassionate with yourself in the face of imposter phenomenon is then less about getting the bath salts out and more about noticing that you are in emotional discomfort (and giving yourself a bit of space to feel this way) and then taking a wise and courageous action.
This could look like acknowledging that you are feeling nervous about a presentation, reminding yourself that it’s really normal to feel this way when you’re doing something that matters to you, going for a little walk to calm your nerves and then sitting down and getting the presentation actually written rather than avoiding it. Self-compassion isn’t soft, it helps us to be more courageous and get the hard stuff done!
Can I help?
In my coaching and training practice I teach my clients how psychological flexibility can help when they are feeling like an imposter. I support them to develop new skills that enable them to normalise the discomfort, identify the stories that are tripping them and support them to switch criticism for compassion in the way they talk to themselves.
I you would like a conversation about how we might work together then please do drop me an email at hazel@hazelandersonturner.co.uk
Featured/Cover image credit: crazy-cake-08vpbfpq_II-unsplash
