The Beauty of Imperfection – A weekend of ‘being’ in Venice

I am writing this piece in a quiet square on the outskirts of Venice, the sun is shining and I am sitting on a bridge with a canal to my left and a church to my right. I have nowhere I need to go, I can relax and just be. Venice is one of the only places I’ve visited in the world that I believe is better than the hype. I fell totally and utterly in love from the first time I saw it from the water.  

On this visit it dawned on me that Venice provides a metaphor for some of shifts that I have been making in my life. It is imperfect, broken, vibrant, beautiful and inspiring. It is a place where if you plan your day, rushing to tick off the famous sights you totally and utterly miss the point. The joy is in the wandering, the getting lost, discovering a beautiful church or a pretty bridge over a canal off of the tourist trail. 

You cannot ‘do’ in Venice, you can only ‘be’ in Venice.  

I have been practicing mindfulness for over a year and purposefully focus my attention on the things around me. In Venice I found there was no need to consciously do this, the sound of the water, the wonderful views and the delicious smell of food meant that I was continuously taken out of the busyness of my mind and into the World again.  

It isn’t all easy though, my perfectionism can make me want to control our experience, to choose the best route, the best place for lunch, to make it the best day it can be. This is a surefire way to build tension and totally ruin a day in Venice. Instead I am trying to use the metaphor of the beauty in the imperfection and go with the flow more. There was no right route, no perfect experience, losing myself in the joy of being here is the prize. I cannot control the outcome, the only thing I an control is my behaviour in the moment. 

Inspired by this state of ‘being’, I’ve come up with 3 ways that I could bring this feeling back with me:

Stand back and see the beauty 

If you stand close to a crumbling wall in Venice this is all you see. I am a fan of self-improvement and am always looking to improve the parts of myself that are a bit ‘crumbly’, however I am also mindful that if I smooth away all the edges then I lose what makes me my imperfect, unique self.                                                                            

I have found the book ‘Overcoming Perfectionism’ by Shafran, Egan & Wade helpful and this quote sums it up: “If you are someone with unhelpful perfectionism you will tend to judge your self-worth on what you do not who you are, rather than viewing yourself in a balanced way, your way of viewing yourself becomes far too dependent on the areas in which you’re striving for achievement”. Venice reminds us how looking at one element in isolation of the wider picture means we miss out on the beauty of the panorama.

Make some space to just ‘be’ 

I love variety and having lots of things on the go. My to-do lists help me manage all the different things I have going on simultaneously and maintain the illusion of control. When I am away I don’t have the list of business must-dos and household chores. There is more head space and there is less guilt around what I ‘should’ be doing. I am able to move easily from ‘doing’ to ‘being’.  

I have used Mark William’s and Danny Penman’s fabulous book ‘Mindfulness, a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world’ to help build my mindfulness practice, in it they state that “the Doing mode involves judging and comparing the ‘real’ world with the world as we’d like it to be in our thoughts and dreams… Being mode, on the other hand, invites you to temporarily to suspend judgement. It means briefly standing aside and watching the world as it unfolds”.  

I endeavour to make more ‘being’ space in my daily life, carving out periods where doing and planning are suspended and only playing, connecting, relaxing, watching and resting are allowed. For me, having a toddler and a puppy are incredibly helpful in reminding me of the joy in the simple pleasure of just being together (not always, of course, they bring their own challenges too!).

It will be what it will be 

Rather than getting caught up in the tightness and tunnel vision that striving for perfection brings me, I use the mantra “It will be what it will be” to show myself compassion and to let go of the need to control.

The work of Brene Brown really resinates with me and in her book ‘The gifts of imperfection’ she explains that “wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, no matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough”.  

If you find yourself being hard on yourself about what you have or haven’t done, or whether you did the right thing or made the right choice, taking the time to explore and question how you measure your self worth is a valuable investment. I know that it’s an area of focus for many of my coaching clients, so if it’s true for you, you are not alone. 

I’m hoping that I can bring some of the spirit of Venice back with me…. and if the memory fades then it will be a wonderful excuse to book another weekend away.